That Aha Moment (24)

I sit in my car and let out a sigh of relief and laugh. Quickly I cease the laughter when I realize I should have never been in this situation in the first place. This is the first time I seen everything that has happened over the last few months was my doing. I have to be better, I cannot lose Ari. I went crazy with her just being away a month so I don't want to find out how I would feel if I lost her for the rest of my life. 

Driving home I begin to feel overwhelmed. I've never thought about being married when I was younger, all the way up to college. Honestly, I did it because that's what you're supposed to do. This is the first time I've felt like I can actually do this, you know be with her for the rest of my life. Of course I get myself together as I pull up to the house.

It's not too late when I get home but it looks like Ari has already went to bed. The lights are all out, when I walk up to the bedroom I see the tv is off. I'm actually glad, I just want to admire her. 

After I get all ready for bed I just sit at the foot of the bed and just look at her. I'm just thankful. My mother used to tell me she would sit at the foot of our beds sometimes and just admire what God has given her. That is exactly what I am doing. At this very moment everything seems so surreal to me.

I'm not even supposed to be here right now. I was the guy who had all the women and got all the attention he wanted. There was a time when I thought I needed that. Now here I am, I have her. Someone who has been in my corner from day one. She's stuck by my side through everything. The fact that I almost have myself to someone else is now suddenly sickening. 

I feel a tear run down the side of my cheek. Usually your first reaction is to wipe the tear away but not a tear like this. This is the purest tear that I have ever had, the perfect balance between love and understanding. In this tear was no guilt which a lot of my tears have had before. 

I can't remember the last time I had prayed but now felt like a great time. I stand up and go right beside Ari on the side of the bed and drop down to my knees.

"God, I know it's been awhile since we spoke but I also know you'll hear me out. First off I'm sorry for taking so long to thank you for what you've done for me thus far. For the longest time I've just believed I deserved everything that I have and I don't. I especially did not deserve a woman like Ari. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for everything else you've done for me but this woman you gave me Lord, she is my finest treasure. I mean you said it yourself, he who finds a wife finds a good thing, or something like that. I'm a little rusty on the scriptures. Well I mean that's all, I just really wanted to thank you for her and tell you I will be the husband that I am meant to be. Oh and amen."

I stay at Ari's side to speak to her while she sleeps.

"Thank you baby for getting me over my fear of relationships. For showing me that one great woman is greater than all the women on earth. I know that I've messed up a lot recently but stick with me because I will make you happy for the rest of your life. I love you and thank you for keeping me."

I get up, kiss Ari and crawl into bed with the only woman I hope to ever share a bed with for the rest of my life.